Our Hearts
by Sugarbear16
Summary: One shot set at the end of Three Hearts. This is a look at the thoughts of Kensi and Deeks and why they did what they did in the episode


**A/N: This goes with the episode Three Hearts, Deeks and Kensi thoughts after the end of the episode. **

**Deeks POV**

What did my third heart tell me? Really, I wish I knew. Right now my head was telling me to slow down that things were happening to fast and too soon with her. How was I supposed to tell her this when she was finally giving me everything I had ever wanted? When she was finally giving our thing a chance. God I want this, and I want it so bad, and yet I have never been afraid more in my life of getting everything I have ever wanted.

I don't know what she sees in me honestly, and I am afraid of what I see in myself. I don't know what happened to me in Afghanistan, I don't know what I was thinking, all I know is what I felt. I felt my world ending, I felt everything stop and for five minutes I turned into the thing I despise the most. I turned into the kind of man my father was. I swear to myself every day that part of me doesn't exist expect for in the undercover persona of Max. What happens when he starts coming out in everyday life? What if I hurt her? I don't want her to know that part of me; I don't want to know that part of me. My head is driving me insane with all the doubts and worries.

My heart on the others hand tells me that I love her, every part of her from my partner the slob, to bad ass Blye herself, all of these aspects are qualities that are uniquely Kensi. I love the way she shoots ten times better than any of the guys on this team. I love how she thinks an acceptable breakfast is a cup of coffee and two peanut butter cups when she is running late for work. I love how adorable she is when she is angry and even more precious when she smiles, the way she rolls her eyes at me drives me crazy, and I wouldn't be surprised if she knew it.

I am not really sure what will happen with us right now, but I do know despite hundreds of years of scientific evidence I do believe raccoons mate for life. Her and I were it, and someday we will get there , the for life part that is.

**Kensi's POV**

I sat in the car and tapped my fingers nervously on the steering wheel, the way I tend to do when I am bored or nervous. I wish I could have seen his face, I would have love to seen the look he was wearing when I cut that box open. I don't know if he understood what I was trying to tell him after all communication is not our strong suit, but we will learn in time. I am ready to open my heart to him, to let him see that part of me I have always kept hidden out of fear.

So much has changed for the two of us so fast. We have both been through hell back this past year, and the things we saw, the things that happened to us they change you. Sometimes they change you for the good, sometimes the bad, and sometimes you don't even realize that change has happened until your standing in front of the mirror and you don't even know who you are anymore.

For so long I have been so scared of opening my heart to someone. I didn't want to be rejected, I didn't want to be hurt and I didn't want to be betrayed by the person I love most. All of this time I have been so busy worrying about being afraid that I have let all these great moments in life slip right through my fingertips. I am done being afraid, I am tired of closing myself off to the world. Something happened to me in Afghanistan something that change the way I saw everything.

When I was in that cave, I thought I was going to die. I didn't know if I would ever see Deeks again, I didn't know if I would ever make it out of there. Something inside of me kept fighting throughout the pain and torture, something never gave up. This something was my heart. My head kept playing all these flashes from my life, kind of like movie clips all scrambled together, this is when I started losing hope. I guess that was the moment everyone talks about when they saw their life flash before their eyes, I guess that was mine. There were times when I wanted to give up honestly, but there was that little voice of hope buried deep within my heart (his voice) that kept telling me don't give up. I never did because of him.

Maybe one day soon I will be brave enough to tell him this; maybe we will learn talk to each other with real words instead of metaphors and boxes. One day things will be ok. Something tells me in time everything will be as it should be, but for now it is what it is, and we are what we are, and I am just grateful to have the chance to be part of his life.

It's kind of crazy how it took me almost losing everything to realize that the one thing I have always wanted has been right here with me all along. When you stop searching for something inevitably you find it right where you never thought it would be. I think right now he needs time, time to heal, time to figure out what it is he wants in this life. I only hope that in time his heart will lead him back to me.

Everyone one of us has three hearts, this first we show to strangers, the second is for our family and person put on this earth to walk by our side, but the third heart, that third heart is a tricky bitch. That third one is the part of us we don't want to show to anyone. It's where we hide or truth or fear and our darkness. No matter how many hearts I have there will be a place for him in all of them. He is my partner, my best friend and my lover, he is everything I need in this life, and for the first time I am not afraid to let that show. My third heart it tells me he is the one, and that this with us our thing, its … it's meant to be.


End file.
